When I read this post, and even till now, I don't think the
beautiful have problems. Prove me wrong and I'll take away that statement. I
find this funny and sensible but not sure if I believe it is the truth. If you watch TED and have come across the talk by Cameron Russell, you'll tilt your head in agreement with me and tilt your head the other way in agreement with her. Note how the beautiful is qualified with 'very'?
It sounds paradoxical to talk of the problems of
being beautiful, when we’re so alive to all the advantages that go with
possessing sculpted cheekbones, copious amounts of hair, an ideal nose, long,
slender legs and well-moulded ankles.
But the subject is necessary and legitimate, because beauty is not
in fact problem-free. There are a range of ailments (too little discussed) that
go with being extremely beautiful. Here are seven of the greatest.
One: You are boring
Not absolutely always, of
course. No one is. But the temptation to be boring is great – and it’s not your
fault at all. It’s just that, since you were 12, there has always been a party
that people were begging you to go to. You’ve almost never had to begin a
conversation. Others have always been on hand to entertain you. You’ve not had
much chance just to be on your own, with nothing much to do other than fall
back on an exploration of your own psyche. You’ve never known the fruitful
ravages of self-hatred. There has been no need to charm others with words – and
no pressure to overcome their scepticism with humour or acute observations.
Indeed, you’ve often wanted to put people off. Being a bit boring has in fact
been a survival strategy. It is the only way to stop people pestering you.
Two: You intimidate the ugly
Not deliberately at all. In
fact, it’s horrible to discover that really nice people who don’t look very
nice (the majority of humanity) are terrified of approaching you. It’s a weird
thing to find you have this effect. You’d really like that quiet person in the
corner to dare to come and say hi: they’re kind, good natured and (when they
finally relax) very funny – but they know they look a bit of a frump and don’t
want to be reminded of the fact by standing near you. In a different life you
could be great friends, even lovers. Just not in this one. They freeze when
they catch sight of your radiant eyes, perfect profile and incredibly elegant
hands. Even if it’s not quite what you want, the people it’s easiest to pair up
with are other beautiful types. No wonder your relationships can be very dull
indeed.
Three: You miss out on some usefully difficult experiences
Anyone would be thrilled to be
your lover. You’ve not been single for longer than a few months ever. In your
adult life, you’ve not faced rejection in any serious way. Who could ever take
their leave? Yet, weirdly, it’s often through difficult experiences that we
grow to maturity. They’re painful, but necessary. They force us to develop
compensating resources: we become stronger, more resilient; we learn
compassion; we get more appreciative of small things. It’s not your fault, but
you’ve been a little spoilt.
Four: Relationships are more difficult
In bed, you’re always
wondering: ‘is it me or is it my body they want?’ You want to be loved for the
whole of who you are. But your exterior is so fantastic, it overshadows
anything else; people just can’t ignore it. You want to be appreciated for your
take on the French novel, your loyalty to your troubled sister, your views on the
future of the left. But even when people say the right things, the fears won’t
go away. They make too much sense.
Five: People assume you are stupid
They don’t wait to find out.
Their imaginations simply refuse to picture you carefully unpicking a page of
Hegel or analysing the state of the Swedish economy. They like the idea of you
being a bit dim. There seems to be a prejudice against combining outstanding
qualities: you just can’t be that beautiful and understand nuclear physics.
That would be too much good fortune ending up in the one place. Everyone
insists you can’t be very intelligent.
Six: No one imagines you have any problems
Fortune – people feel – has
smiled on you already. You can’t need anything. Your are a magnet for envy: a
fair few people like finding fault with you. They feel that
you need to be shown you are nothing special (though you never claimed to be).
They are using you to vent their frustrations with life in general. You’re fair
game – you are too beautiful, they think, ever to be hurt.
Seven: Ageing is worse
You have this rare thing: your
body is ideal. For now. That’s why getting older terrifies you a
lot. (Yesterday you found another wrinkle. Your left knee twinges when you
climb the stairs). You have so much to lose. You’ll look in the mirror and
foresee a wreck. From being so high, the fall will be harder.
Fortunately, the problems of the very beautiful are transient.
Thankfully, no one stays long at the peak of loveliness. Time will take your
troubles away. In a few years, almost certainly, your looks will have lost
their uncanny perfection; your physique will shed its grace. You will be nice
enough looking, but you will no longer be one of the outstandingly attractive
ones – and you will no longer share in their unique, but very real and very
under-appreciated, problems.
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