Saturday, 13 October 2012

You Know You Are Nigerian When ......

I stole this post off Jackie's blog. It is really funny and true in a way and I really wanted to share it with you all. You can find Jackie's original post here and I haven't tampered with it at all.

Believe me when I say this is really funny and if we Nigerians are true to ourselves, we will admit that for we here and even in Diaspora it is very true.

You know you are Nigerian:
  1. If your name is so long, or so hard to pronounce, that you either have some “Americanized” nickname, or you use your middle name (which is English). 
  2. If, you know what your name means. 
  3. If you know of anyone (including yourself) that has any of the following names: Ola, Sade, Bola, Tunji, Ngozi, Uche, Folake, Ifeoma, Tolu, Tunde, Obi, Chioma, Chituru, Chinyere, Adaobi, Nkemi, Nneka, Bunmi or Fatima 
  4. If, names like Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Patience, Peace, Blessing, God’s Will or Mercy sound pretty normal to you. 
  5. If, rice and stew just isn’t the same without plantain (dodo)
  6. If, you would prefer Moin Moin, or Farina (fufu) with soup over McDonalds any day. 
  7. If, you have ever treated a cold or sorethroat with “Pe-pe Soup”.. AND IT WORKED!!!!!! 
  8. If you know what AKATA means. 
  9. If, your parents or relatives have ever disliked someone because of the simple fact that they were AKATA. 
  10. (for females)If, not being able to cook stew or soup is one of the most major burdens in life. 
  11. (another one for females only)If, a Nigerian man who is about 2 or 3 times your age has ever tried to spit game……eeeeeeewwwwww! 
  12. If, you have ever gone to a Nigerian “get-together” and made a handful of money just for dancing. 
  13. If, the fact that NAS ESCOBAR is half-Naija makes you so damn happy. 
  14. If, not properly greeting an elderly Nigerian person has ever gotten you in a load of trouble. 
  15. If, you or someone you know has ever been sent to Nigeria because of behavioral problems, or if your parents have ever threatened to do so. 
  16. If, ‘afrocentric’ AKATA’s get on your nerves with those tiger striped outfits. 
  17. If, when you were little you got FLOGGED (spanked) by someone who of course is Nigerian, but is not your parent.. And your parents had their back, instead of yours! (shady huh?)  
  18. If, your parents own expensive ass lace (like 200-300 dollars for one outfit), and they act shady when you want money for clothes. 
  19. If, your parents have ever compared your life here in America to theirs in Nigeria. (i.e. boarding school, no electricity, fetching water, Nigerian Civil War….etc) 
  20. If, when you parents curse you want so bad to laugh, but you don’t wanna get slapped. 
  21. If, you parents use the word bloody to conjugate words a lot (e.g. bloody fool, bloody nonsense, bloody coward, bloody idiot, bloody shit) 
  22. If, your parents use phrases like “Ewhoa, Chineke, Che, Ah-Ah, Yepa! God forbid or by God’s Grace”. 
  23. If, your parents have ever threatened to kill you, break your head, back, or neck, or to “show you pepe”. 
  24. If, any Nigerian kid that you known for a long ass time is your “cousin”.Yeah, Right! 
  25. If, you have a relative that owns a “shop”. Especially if it is a shop that caters mainly to foreigners. 
  26. If, all of your parents Nigerian friends are your “Uncles and Auntie’s.. not Aunts but Aunties. 
  27. If, when you are around Nigerians your accent either comes outta nowhere, or becomes thicker. 
  28. If, you have Naija relatives in Europe (especially London, England) 
  29. If, you have a rough estimate of how many Nigerians are at your school. 
  30. If, you are friends with someone just because they’re Nigerian. 
  31. If, you bond with people more from other African countries (Ghana, Sierra Leone, Gambia, Eritrea, Ethiopia), more than Americans 
  32. If, you or your parents have some kind of stereotype about another Nigerian tribe 
  33. If, you know more than anything that your tribe is the best tribe 
  34. If, you know for sure that the Super Eagles are by far the best soccer team in the world. 
  35. If, you have ever bought green chucks just to match a shirt that has the Nigerian flag on it.. GREEN WHITE GREEN! 
  36. If, you know anyone with dark ass hands and a bright ass face. I wont tell if you wont! 
  37. If, you attend or have visited a predominantly Nigerian church. 
  38. And finally, YOU KNOW THAT YOUR ARE A TRUE TO THE HEART NAIJA KING OR QUEEN if you are a GOOD DANCER! Cause ya know Nigerians have rhythm like WHOA!
You know you’re Nigerian if…
  1. As a young woman, your biggest dilemma is sticking to the regular American boys you date or trying to find a Nigerian husband to appease your parents! 
  2. If your dear Grandmother calls every cereal, “Corn Flakes” You’re REALLY Nigerian, if it’s your parents that do this.
  3. If that same grandmother is always singing old Nigerian language-hymnals or spirituals right before she runs her bath (she NEVER uses the shower!) 
  4. If whenever Nigeria comes up in the news, you run to your TV set and turn that volume waaaayy up. And you get sooo mad if it’s for another bloodbath or scandal that they’re in the news for.
  5. One more, You know you’re Nigerian if you ever tried to describe Nigeria to your American friends as, “Like Jamaica.” 
I bet you all enjoyed going into peals of laughter over some of the things here just like I did. You all have to admit that they are true and please feel free to share on your sites too.

HAPPY WEEKEND!!